10 August 2016

An Old Friend

Hey everyone,

Today I got a message from a very old friend, my best friend. The message didn't mean anything, technically it wasn't even from him, but all the same it brought back all the memories of being a child and how close we used to be.

Naturally, I tried to find him on twitter, suddenly I was desperately curious to find out about his new personality and what he looked like now, how he has changed... When I found him, I got a strange mix of emotions; I used to miss him a lot, I used to really want to see him and I went through a stage in my life when I just wanted to talk to him again and seeing a photo of him sort of brought that back. It was so strange to look at him now. It's like, he looks the same and I know he's the same, but he's a version of himself that doesn't ever think of me and I have no affect to his life anymore. If you've ever watched Doctor Who, you'll remember the scene in the library with Donna and River where River talks about seeing the Doctor before he knew her, how it's like looking at a photo of someone before you knew them and they're just not done yet, it's like looking at ghost. Well, this was sort of like that, only the opposite I suppose because it's after he knew me. It was like looking at alternate life that I might have once had if certain decisions had never been made, looking at the shell of someone I once knew and I just don't anymore. His life has moved on and he has evolved as a person, the person I once knew has been left behind and the person he is now is someone more, but someone different to the person I used to know. He's just a stranger.

I suppose I'm just a stranger too. I have morphed and changed so much since being that little girl, I cannot say that I'm still her. I feel somewhat detached to those memories, it's like looking at someone else's photographs or reading a story. That's all they are to me now, stories. That's all he is to me now, a story. That's all I am now, a story.

Even though that chapter has been told and it's finished, my story isn't and I still have a say in what happens next. There's no better time than right now to decide where I am going to take the rest of my life. I have that choice. I can make a decision. My God so what if I regret doing what I want and messing up, I would much rather that than not doing it at all. So "hello again, wanna meet up?"

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Thank you // Jeani