21 November 2015

Bonfire night 2015

I have always loved fire. Not in a creepy, psycho "I'm gonna burn your house down" sort of way, but in a deep sort of way. I find it so complex and immaterial, dreamlike; what is it? It isn't a solid, a liquid a gas... not a thing! And yet I can see it and it could literally tear my flesh if I touched it. How is that possible? The way it flickers and is constantly changing, moving and morphing into something new consistently, so fast that my eyes doubt what it sees, is beautiful. It spits minuscule stars into the air above me and dances beneath them. It clings to wood to survive, and yet everything it clings to it destroys: mutilating it into something dishevelled and irreparable. I can almost see its desperation as it struggles to reach up and stay alit while it crushes and tears apart the very thing it needs to survive. Until all that's left is embers and black charcoal, devestated and broken, too hot to touch. stars, glistening yet abandoned by the flames, among a dark sky.

14 November 2015

Pray for Paris

My heart goes out to the people in Paris who lost their lives, families or friends last night in the terrorist attacks which killed 120 people and counting. 

It shocks and upsets me to see innocent lives being taken over belief and culture.  

Those people had lives: jobs, families, children, mothers, fathers, friends, beliefs, thoughts, hopes and dreams. All of it gone in a matter of seconds. 

Let us not forget also the innocent Muslims who will no doubt be held accountable for this - Islam is a good faith, but the extremists have warped it into something twisted and cruel. Don't take out your anger on innocent people as the terrorists have done today.

Pray that  the 100+ people who are injured, are cured and return home safely to their families. Pray that no more lives are taken and no more lives are lost.

My thoughts are with you

Ellie xxx

11 November 2015

Sneak peak lyrics of my new song "adventures and daydreams"

June 28th I see the train come in
My bag, half-packed and falling off my shoulder
The last few seconds slip away 
Out of breath but life awaits

I always dreamed of this

Where would you go if it were free?
If you had no responsibility?
If it were a 
I don't know where I'd go
But I'd be away from this smoke 
With the air caressing my skin
Where the walls are suddenly thin
Somewhere I could run
A world that's real for once
Where life is precious but unguarded and true
A life that doesn't force you to do what it wants you to
A life that lives like I do

9 November 2015

My favourite song "I'm still here" by John Rzeznik (The Goo Goo Dolls)

This song is featured in a scene from one of my childhood Disney movies "Treasure Planet".

I used to watch this movie on Sunday afternoons when my Dad was home because it was always his favourite Disney movie so watching it now gives me a strong sense of nostalgia.

I love where the song is placed in the movie; it shows us Jim's childhood - his Dad leaving and never saying goodbye, while at the same time showing us his father-and-son-like bond with John Silver growing.

It's a very emotional song that I think everyone can relate to - it's about not ever fitting again and always being targeted for being different and I think everybody can relate to that. One of my favourite quotes is "how can the world want me to change; they're the ones that stay the same" which I think is a really powerful quote that sums up society perfectly.  There are several other incredible quotes in this song such as "they can't break me as long as I know who I am" which is a quote that I can entirely relate to as it connects to the bullying I went through last year and I constantly told myself things very similar to that. Also "I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard" which opens the song and I think that sums up the song perfectly because its really the message of the song. I like how it says exactly what it wants to say but it leaves questions, I think that sentence can only really be understood by people who have been through that like myself. We are the questions that nobody really understands, like it says in 'The Mob Song' in 'the Beauty and the Beast' "we don't like what we don't understand in fact it scares us", which is a dig at society because people don't like different. Society doesn't see us and be instantly satisfied because we leave questions that they can't answer and it frustrates them and because they don't understand it they take digs and try and make us like them by forcing us down and I think that's the meaning of that line.

The power behind the song just makes my heart skip every time I hear it and several times made me cry because of the emotion behind it. I think it's beautiful. The way it builds up is truly heart gripping and so emotional - it makes a smile come to my cheeks and tears water down my cheeks and my heart to skip. I really cannot describe the feeling in my chest when I hear this song because it justs fills you up with... with... I don't even know!!! It's like the feeling of when you think of a happy memory with someone who once loved you but they tore you into tiny pieces and threw you away. That feeling.

Reader, you should listen to it because it may change your life.

Ellie xxx

8 November 2015


Dress - New Look - Navy blue, has a low v neck and short little sleeves, below the bust of the dress is new piece of fabric with a thick width to highlight the waist, below this is a a floaty skirt which ends about 10-15cm from the knee
I am wearing the tan brogues in the above picture, these are from "fabulous feet" at next

This look has a vintage, autumnal feel - perfect for September-October. In winter, I would add a tan jacket to compliment the navy

6 November 2015

Deep thinking - My Generation

In my opinion, there are several problems with the way my generation lives. Not just the way we live but the way we think, act and speak.

There is no respect for each other or sensitive topics of conversation, there are no aspirations and goals, nobody has individual thought as individuality is frowned upon by society.

If for one moment, people forgot about looking cool or grown up or nonchalant I think the world would be a better place. 

It has become uncool to enjoy doing things you love, if a boy does drama he is then referred to as "gay" by his peers. Boys are forbidden emotion; they're not aloud to love or feel pain or empathy or loss because it 'makes them look weak'.

Another thing that I cannot understand about my generation is the sexualisation of young girls and boys. There are twelve year olds sending nudes and it has become normal, as has hearing the word 'slut' and other horrible words.

If for the slightest moment everyone took a step back and actually looked I think we would become better people with individual opinions and ideas, whereas at the moment everyone thinks as one because people laugh at you and exclude you if you think outside the box and walk in your own direction.  My best friends are afraid of what people, we don't even like, think of them, terrified of standing out and being themselves incase they are called out upon it. I believe that everyone should forget that and be what we want to be. 

I have always done my best to not blend in, be the bright pink in a sea of grey and brown and black colours. I know from experience that standing out is hard. I know that peer pressure literally pushes you down and forces you into the crowd like a weight that is dragging you from that freedom of being who you are and doing what you love. It is next to impossible to carry on and stand your ground because people are constantly kicking you down. Last year I went through a lot of teasing; I have a youtube channel and the entire school had fun laughing at it, everyone knew who I was but not in a good way. Wherever I went I was looking over my shoulder terrified that someone would laugh at me or try to kick me down again because literally everyone and anyone would. But I carried on doing what I love and I am better for it. I know it's cliche but it does make you stronger. When I was in that difficult time I became obsessed with my looks; people made me feel worthless and I think that I thought that being pretty would make them notice me as someone worthwhile and someone people loved and looked up to. In a weird way, it made me want to stand out more. I wore the clothes that I wanted to wear, I did everything I could to be different because I was determined not to back down and become like them. I now know that I did the right thing by carrying on doing what I love because that's my choice and you should never stop doing something that you enjoy just because other people make you feel embarrassed or like you shouldn't or you can't because you can. 

Where I really wanted to go with this was my generations lack of dreams. I have so many more aspirations than growing up, having kids, getting a good job. I want to go places and do and see amazing things and meet incredible people that touch my heart and teach me things that I could never learn in an office or maths class. I wanted to tell anyone reading this that its your life and your choice. You do not have to live how you are told to live. You do not have to have one pool holiday a year for the rest of your life, you can go where you want to and live your life how you want to live it. If someone tells you it shouldn't be that way then they are wrong because you should do what you want and always work towards that.

So what I think I really want to say, is that you should be weird. Be that person that people know, don't shy away from it because, really, they're just afraid of you because you're not like them, and thats ok. It's ok. Infact its more than ok, it's brilliant because people know you for you and over time people start to respect you and see past what everyone else thinks. I want you tomorrow to do one thing out of your comfort zone that makes you happy; you will be better for it

Ellie xxx